Cut Ray Liotta out of your mental scrapbook and replace him with an MTV Europe News presenter from the early '90s. Now, replay the Goodfellas voice-over in your head. Congratulations - you're well on the way to understanding just how cringe-makingly horrendous the scripted introductions to each Crashday event are.

You're listening to a bloke doing an American accent, except English isn't so much a second language for him as a comedy routine. I survived about an hour before he segued from a chuckling Goldmember impression into my favourite of his inexplicable declarations: "Wild horses couldn't get me into that car!" With my skull threatening to implode, I turned the audio off completely - having discovered just such an option when I went to silence the music an hour earlier, it having reminded me of that Belgian bloke off World Idol who sang Lithium as though ending my life depended on it.